Thursday, January 8, 2009


Are my kids getting from me what they need? This is a question I ask myself daily. Sometimes my answer is that they're not. Other times I'm more hopeful that they are. It's important to me that they get what they need from me as their father. The last few years have been a huge learning curve for me in my fathering. I've had to learn what it is that children really need from a dad. Now I know they need the three A's: Attention, Affection, and Acceptance. Every kid longs for these three things from a father.

I've come to believe strongly in what psychologists call Attachment Theory. Attachment theory basically says that the attachments or bonds we formed in the earliest years of our lives impact our present relationships. In other words, the way we relate to people in our life today is largely a result of the bonds we formed or failed to form as babies and toddlers.

If kids were neglected by their parents when they were young, then they grow up feeling unloved as adults. They have diffculty with relationships in their lives. They may not be able to feel close to their spouse or with their own children.

I guess what I'm learning is that so much is riding on my fathering. More than I ever imagined. My children's futures are wrapped up with me and the decisons I make now while they are young and impressionable. Hopefully, I'm going to get it right.

God help me to do this.

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